For a long time, I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells.
You know the feeling:
– Constantly second-guessing yourself
– Living with anxiety
– Feeling emotionally drained
– An unsettling sense of never being good enough.
And all of this while trying to maintain an air of indifference towards the narcissist in your life.
I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and an ardent enthusiast of psychology. A few years back, I was stuck in a toxic loop, trying to understand the narcissist’s actions and reactions. I felt drained, confused, and frankly, quite helpless.
During those times, I lived with constant anxiety, doubt, and an overwhelming sense of worthlessness. It seemed like my emotional wellbeing was hanging by a thread.
And then I dove deep into psychology. And my understanding changed. I discovered these 7 things a narcissist will do when they realize you’ve become indifferent to them.
In this article, I’m going to share these insights with you. My hope? That it can help you navigate your situation better, just like it did for me.
Let’s dive in.
1) They’ll try to regain control
The first thing I noticed when I started showing indifference towards the narcissist in my life was their immediate attempt to regain control.
This might sound familiar: they began making grand gestures, showering me with attention, and even acting kinder than usual. It was like they had suddenly transformed into a different person.
But here’s the thing – this wasn’t about me. It was about them trying to regain the control they felt slipping away.
Psychology teaches us that narcissists thrive on the reactions they elicit from others – be it positive or negative. So when you show indifference, it shakes them to their core because they’re no longer able to manipulate your emotions.
Remember this: don’t be swayed by their sudden change in behavior. It’s not genuine concern for you; it’s a tactic to get you back into their sphere of influence.
If you notice this happening, stay strong. Maintain your indifference. Their desperate attempts to regain control only indicate that you’re heading in the right direction, reclaiming your power and personal space.
2) They’ll engage in a smear campaign
The second thing I noticed was the smear campaign. Suddenly, I was hearing stories about myself that were far from the truth. It was as if the narcissist was trying to paint me as the villain to anyone who would listen.
I remember one particular instance when a mutual friend came up to me, concerned about the outrageous stories she had heard about me from the narcissist. It was bewildering and hurtful, but it was also an eye-opener.
You see, a smear campaign is a common tactic used by narcissists to tarnish your reputation and isolate you from your support network. They want to make themselves look like the victim and you, the villain.
This situation is an example of that. The narcissists couldn’t handle my indifference, so they tried to diminish my worth in the eyes of others just to feel superior again.
If you’re going through this, remember: those who know you well won’t believe these falsehoods. And as for those who do – it’s a clear sign that they were never truly on your side.
Don’t let this tactic deter you from maintaining your indifference. You know your worth, and no smear campaign can change that.
3) They’ll attempt to provoke a reaction
The third thing I noticed was the deliberate provocation. It was as if the narcissist was trying to push my buttons, to get a reaction out of me.
I recall one day when they intentionally brought up a sensitive topic from my past, something they knew would upset me. It was a clear attempt to provoke an emotional response.
Narcissists feed on emotional energy, using it as a tool to manipulate and control. When you become indifferent, they lose this power. So they will try various tactics to trigger an emotional reaction from you, just so they can regain that control.
In my case, I identified what was happening early on and chose not to engage. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember this: Your reactions are your own. You choose how you respond. Don’t let the narcissist’s provocations dictate your actions or emotions. By remaining indifferent, you take back control of your emotional well-being.
4) They’ll try to make you feel guilty
The fourth thing was the guilt-tripping. Suddenly, the narcissist began blaming me for their problems, as if my indifference was the root cause of their struggles.
I remember them saying things like, “You’re abandoning me when I need you the most,” and “How can you be so cold-hearted?” It was a clear attempt to make me feel guilty, to manipulate me back into their control.
Interestingly, this aligns with a 2018 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. The study found that narcissists often use guilt as a tool to control and manipulate others. They strategically induce guilt in others to meet their own needs and desires.
In my case, I recognized this manipulation for what it was and chose not to let it affect me. I continued to maintain my indifference, refusing to let guilt cloud my judgment.
Remember this: You are not responsible for the narcissist’s happiness or well-being. Don’t let their guilt-tripping tactics sway you from your path toward emotional independence.
5) They’ll give you the silent treatment
The fifth thing I experienced was the silent treatment. Out of the blue, the narcissist in my life stopped communicating with me. No calls, no texts, nothing. It was their way of punishing me for my indifference.
This tactic is often used by narcissists to make you feel ignored and invisible. It’s a form of emotional manipulation designed to make you question your worth and eventually cave into their demands.
In my situation, I understood what was happening and chose not to let it affect me. It was tough at first, but I reminded myself that their silent treatment was a sign of their inability to handle my indifference, not a reflection of my worth.
Your worth is not defined by how others treat you. Don’t let the narcissist’s silent treatment make you question your value or your decision to maintain indifference. Stay strong and keep moving forward.
6) They’ll play the victim
The sixth thing I noticed was their sudden shift into victim mode. The narcissists started portraying themselves as the ones being wronged, all in an attempt to make me sympathize with them.
I remember them tearfully recounting past hurts and hardships, painting a vivid picture of their supposed suffering. It was a clear attempt to make me feel sorry for them and eventually break my indifference.
They were trying to shift the blame onto me while portraying themselves as the innocent party. But having recognized this tactic, I didn’t let it sway me from my path of indifference.
Don’t let their sob stories manipulate your emotions or make you question your decision. Stand firm in your indifference and don’t allow them to play the victim card to control you.
7) They’ll pretend to change
The seventh and final thing I noticed was perhaps the most surprising: the narcissists started to pretend they had changed. They began acting kinder, more considerate and even seemed to be making efforts to improve.
It was confusing at first. I found myself questioning, “Have they really changed? Could things be different this time?”
But then I reminded myself of all the manipulative tactics they had used in the past. This sudden transformation was too convenient, too perfect. It was another ploy to regain control.
And here’s the counterintuitive part: If you see signs of change, don’t let that sway your indifference. Remember, it’s not your responsibility to verify their change or guide their transformation. Your primary focus should be your own emotional well-being.
Here’s a practical tip: Write down all the manipulative tactics they’ve used in the past and keep that list handy. Whenever you find yourself questioning their sudden change, refer to this list. It will serve as a reminder of their past behavior and help you maintain your emotional distance.
If you’re going through something similar, remember this: True change takes time and consistent effort. Don’t let their pretense of transformation manipulate you into breaking your indifference.
Conclusion
Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, especially when you start showing indifference to their manipulative ways. But remember, their reactions are a testament to your newfound strength, not your weakness.
Here’s a piece of practical advice: Practice self-care and self-compassion. Surround yourself with positive influences and continue educating yourself about narcissistic behavior.
And most importantly, maintain your indifference. Remember, you’re not responsible for their happiness or well-being. Your primary responsibility is to yourself.
So, keep moving forward. With time and persistence, you’ll find that you’re no longer under their influence. You’re in control of your own emotions and well-being. And that’s a powerful place to be.
