As parents, we pour so much love and energy into raising our kids. But as they grow into adults, the relationship naturally changes.
Sometimes, though, it feels like more than just the usual growing pains. Maybe your once-close bond feels distant, or your child barely makes time for you anymore.
It’s not about keeping score—but relationships take effort from both sides. When your adult child stops prioritizing your connection, it can be painful and confusing.
If you’ve been feeling that shift, here are seven signs that might confirm what you’ve been sensing.
1) They only reach out when they need something
A healthy relationship is built on mutual effort. But if your adult child only calls or visits when they need a favor—whether it’s money, advice, or help with something—they may not be prioritizing the relationship itself.
Of course, it’s natural for parents to want to help their children.
But if you notice that your conversations always revolve around their needs and never about simply catching up or spending time together, it might be a sign that they see the relationship as transactional.
Everyone gets busy, but when someone truly values a relationship, they make time for it—not just when it’s convenient for them.
2) They don’t ask about your life
I remember a time when my child and I could talk for hours. They’d ask about my day, my work, even little things like what book I was reading. But at some point, our conversations started feeling one-sided.
Whenever we talked, I’d ask about their job, their friends, their plans—but they never asked about mine. If I shared something personal, it felt like they barely acknowledged it before moving on to their own stories.
It hurt because relationships should be a two-way street. When someone cares about you, they take an interest in your life, no matter how busy they are.
If your adult child never asks how you’re doing, it could be a sign that your relationship isn’t a priority for them right now.
3) They cancel plans more often than they keep them
Life gets hectic, and sometimes plans need to be rescheduled. But if your adult child repeatedly cancels on you—or worse, forgets you had plans in the first place—it might mean your time together isn’t a priority for them.
People tend to follow through on commitments that feel important to them.
Studies show that when we truly value something, we’re more likely to carve out time for it, even when life gets busy. On the other hand, when something feels optional, it’s the first thing to go when schedules get tight.
If your child frequently backs out of plans or only makes time for you when nothing else is going on, it could be a sign that your relationship is slipping down their list of priorities.
4) Your conversations feel surface-level
Meaningful relationships thrive on deep, genuine conversations. But if your adult child only engages in small talk—sticking to safe topics like the weather or what they had for lunch—it might indicate they’re not emotionally invested in the relationship.
When people care about a connection, they share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences. They open up about challenges and celebrate successes together.
If your conversations rarely go beyond polite pleasantries, it could be a sign that they’re keeping you at a distance, whether consciously or not.
A lack of depth in communication doesn’t always mean something is wrong, but over time, it can create emotional distance that makes the relationship feel less meaningful.
Few things sting more than finding out about a major life event secondhand.
Whether it’s a new job, a big move, or even an engagement, learning about these moments through social media or from someone else can leave you feeling like an outsider in your own child’s life.
It’s not about expecting to be the first person they tell—but when you’re one of the last to know, it says something about where you stand in their world.
Being left out of important updates can make it clear that they no longer see you as someone they turn to for support, advice, or even just to share their happiness.
When someone truly values a relationship, they want to include you in their life—not just in the small moments, but in the big ones too.
6) They rarely make the first move
If you stopped calling or texting, how long would it take for your child to reach out first? If the answer is “a long time” or “I’m not sure they ever would,” that’s a sign the relationship may not be a priority for them.
Healthy relationships involve effort from both sides. When one person is always the one initiating contact—whether it’s making plans, checking in, or even just saying hello—it can start to feel exhausting.
People make time for what matters to them. If your child rarely makes the effort to reach out first, it might indicate that staying connected isn’t at the top of their list.
7) They don’t seem to notice the distance
When a relationship starts to fade, one of the clearest signs is whether the other person even notices.
If you’ve felt the growing distance but your child hasn’t acknowledged it—or doesn’t seem bothered by it—it likely means the relationship isn’t top of mind for them.
People who value a connection will sense when something feels off. They’ll ask if everything is okay, make an effort to reconnect, or at least acknowledge that things have changed.
If your child doesn’t seem to recognize the shift, it may be because they’ve already adjusted to a version of your relationship where you’re no longer a priority.
Relationships need nurturing
Human relationships, like anything meaningful in life, require care and attention to thrive. When one side stops investing in the connection, distance naturally follows.
Psychologists have long noted that relationships don’t typically break from a single moment but from a slow erosion over time.
Dr. John Gottman, a leading researcher in relationship dynamics, describes how “emotional bids“—small attempts to connect—either strengthen or weaken a bond depending on how they’re received.
If those bids are repeatedly ignored or dismissed, the relationship can quietly slip away.
If you’ve noticed these signs with your adult child, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is lost. But it does mean something has shifted.
Acknowledging that change is the first step in deciding how you want to move forward—whether that means having an open conversation, adjusting expectations, or simply giving them space while keeping the door open.
